Thinking About Grief: Tips and Resources from the Dougy Center

This month, we’re highlighting The Dougy Center, a nonprofit that focuses on supporting grieving young people and their families. Some of the resources they provide include simple and accessible tip sheets (including ones  for young people who are grieving and for their friends and the adults in their lives), self-care tips for young people, and a Bill of Rights of Grieving Teens written by young people participating in programs at the Dougy Center. We hope these resources will help you to meet young people where they are and accompany them through a time of grief.

Thinking About Ash Wednesday and Lent

Though the New Year has just begun, Ash Wednesday is right around the corner (February 26th!) and it’s already time to start planning for Lent. Here are a few ideas that may be helpful in planning your Lenten curriculum and programming. 

Lent and Ash Wednesday are a great time to focus on bringing young people into a more full participation in worship. Because Ash Wednesday and many Holy Week services fall outside the standard church schedule, young people and families might not be expected show up at all. However, as the Reverend Rebecca Kirkpatrick writes in a thoughtful and moving article on the topic, “I continue to believe … that when we include children in these unique ritual moments they form a stronger connection with the community, with their tradition and with their own faith. It is by hearing, touching, tasting and experiencing these signs of grace and love that they are able to identify them as their own.” 

Though there is certainly a time and place to give children, teenagers, and young adults their own spaces to talk about for faith and community formation, the period from Ash Wednesday through Lent and Holy Week are central to our faith and offer the opportunity to grieve and celebrate together as an entire community. In fact, as Cindy Spencer writes  for episocpalchurch.org, “we do Lent [together] because our children deserve to practice hard things. Not alone, always together.  But that in doing so, we are equipping them with the Gospel message of hope and resilience. We are trusting them with the story, even the hard parts. And together, through the journey of Lent, we are able to travel on to Easter joy.”  

One helpful resource for inviting young people into full participation is the blog Worshipping With Children, which does tend to be geared toward much younger children. However, many of the featured ideas offer opportunities to get middle and high school-aged young people involved, whether in decorating the sanctuary or telling the stories that are so central to this season. As usual, we also recommend Virginia Theological Seminary’s BuildFaith.org, which has plenty of creative resources for the season. 

You may also have started hearing conversations about what people are “giving up for Lent.” Lenten disciplines are fairly common practice, and fasting, sacrifice, and self-denial can be powerful spiritual tools. However, focusing a discipline around “giving something up” without space for reflection can lead to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and anxiety.

 It is also important to be aware of the ways in which diet-focused Lenten disciplines can have subtle ties to diet culture and disordered eating, particularly for young people. This is not to say that young people should be discouraged from committing to a Lenten discipline, simply that there should be care, thought, and support for them every step of the way. Discuss alternate forms of fasting, such as reducing social media, making time to journal or meditate, or committing to a certain amount of volunteer work. For more support, check out Lisa Brown’s  list of questions to talk through with young people in preparing for Lent, and familiarize yourself with the warning signs of eating disorders. 

There is a balance to strike here, between trusting young people to handle the difficult themes of suffering and death that we find during Lent and Holy Week, and supporting them through the entire process. Finding that balance can be difficult work, but we hope that the work will bring your congregation to Easter morning as an even stronger community. 

Thinking About Advent

Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash

It seems like only yesterday we blessing backpacks at the start of the school year. And yet already the days are getting shorter, and it’s time to start making highways in deserts as we look toward Christmas. As we move into Advent, here are a few resources to help you and your young people explore this time of expectation, preparation, and incarnation.

Perennial favorites like the social media-based AdventWord (available this year in English, Spanish, and Haitian Creole) and Thomas Mousin’s beautiful and simple calendar can help to engage parishes and enrich worship.

Musically-inclined young people, for instance, may enjoy Charlotte Greeson’ lesson plan for teaching Advent with hymns. And while you are there, check out the other Advent resources offered by the Virginia Theological Seminary’s Finding Faith.

Getting hands-on with Advent crafts is a powerful and meaningful way to engage with the season. Advent wreathes are a popular choice, and there are plenty of tutorials available, from the basic to the “gourmet.” Use this guide to help your young people organize a wreath-making workshop for the whole congregation. Putting some focus on the liturgy of the advent wreath—either by spending some time talking about the meaning of each candle or writing prayers to use when lighting the candles--can help young people engage with a recognizable symbol in a new, personal way.

Finally, some groups may want to engage with the idea of Advent in the context of the world and the present moment. Many of the advent readings (the first, second, third, and fourth Sundays are compiled on episcopalchurch.org) lend themselves well to discussions of current events. Prepare a list of questions surrounding the reading you choose, but allow the young people in the group to guide the conversation as you explore these Advent texts.

For example , the reading from Isaiah (week one) describes a future in which the word of the Lord has brought about a time of peace, when tools of war become tools of agriculture and violence between nations comes to an end. Talk about what kind of world your young people imagine. What specific things would be different, and why? What hopes do they have for the world?

In week four, the story of the Annunciation offers a great opportunity for young people to talk about what it means to be part of God’s dream for the world. The Annunciation is often accompanied by Canticle 3, the song of Mary, which highlights issues of injustice and inequality, and looks to God as an agent of desperately-needed change, a common theme in many of the Advent readings. Make space for the young people in your group to articulate the ways they see issues of power and oppression in their world.

Finally, since Advent is a time of expectation and imagination, remember to make space to “look East” yourself and imagine what a better world might look like.

Thinking About Allyship: Making A Welcoming Space For LGBTQ+ Young People

Photo by Mercedes Mehling on Unsplash

The Episcopal Church has made commitments to inclusivity and affirmation of its LGBTQ+ members, but there is much still to be done to actively live out that promise. This information sheet is designed to be a resource for youth workers seeking to build a radically welcoming community and to work in alliance with LGBTQ+ young people in their ministry.

For more resources around welcoming LGBTQ+ young people in your faith community, we highly recommend the resources put out by the Center for LGBTQ Studies in Religion, particularly their Transgender Curriculum for Faith Communities and Restrooms Available for All!

Thinking About Mindfulness: Supporting Resiliency in an Anxious World

A growing body of research supports what any of us working with young people already know--that our young people are experiencing increasing amounts of stress.   More importantly, a growing body of evidence supports that increased time on smartphones is part of the problem. Well, smartphones are not going away, but as you consider how to shape your program and relationships with your young people this year, here are a couple of articles that offer some simple but powerful steps we can take to help counteract the stress our kids are suffering under.

A recent Washington Post article, "Teens are more stressed and anxious, but they don't know why...," stresses the importance of what many youth workers already value, the power of personal connections. The essay, written by a psychologist on a suicide hot line, also includes several excellent links to other resources on talking with young people about serious mental health concerns.

More attention is also being given to the value of mindfulness and meditation. Pediatrician Dr. Dzung X. Vo maintains Mindfulness for Teens, a website of resources for young people interested in increasing their mindfulness skills. While Dr. Vo's approach is secular, these tools can easily be adapted in developing a spiritual practice to help young people build up their resiliency by strengthening their connection to God through Christ.

Thinking About Mission: Trip-Planning Manual

Launched in 2014, this terrific on-line resource is a joint project of the Episcopal Church Office of Youth Ministry and the Inspiring Mission.  The guide contains all the background information you need to get started planning your next mission experience. The guide is framed within an Episcopal/Anglican context and are grounded in valuing "doing with" and "being with" mission, not the traditional "doing to" or "building for" types of experiences.  The guide also include a good balance of theological and practical guidance, including setting up a timeline and budget, communications planning, and bible study suggestions.

The entire publication is available for free on-line and can be downloaded in sections.

Thinking About Sanctuary: What Youth Leaders and Young People Can do for Immigrant Families

People around the diocese are thinking about how to make their parishes into safe sanctuaries, especially for those families and individuals who are being targeted by homeland security. This list of resources for youth leaders and youth groups can help you think about what your parish can do to help this effort:

1.) A “Know Your Rights” handout for young people and families, in English and Spanish.

This is for undocumented people and their allies who are worried about an Immigration Control and Enforcement (ICE) raid on a home or workplace. This guide assists the creation of an immigration raid family plan for your family or for another family in your congregation or community.

2.) A guide for educators and school support staff published by the American Federation of Teachers

This is a longer document that includes tools and resources to help protect and prepare youth and families. It tells you how to defend the rights of undocumented students. Church members may know about the 2011 policy memo that says ICE agents should refrain from conducting enforcement activities in churches. This is the basis of the so called, "sanctuary movement." You should know that schools, hospitals, and public demonstrations are also protected spaces according to this memo.

3.) A sample school board resolution defending access to education for every child.

This is for parishes who are considering lobbying their local school boards and committees to establish their schools as safe zones.

4. Ten myths about immigration.  

Misperceptions about immigration and immigrants are common. Here are a few of the most frequently spread misconceptions, along with information to help your students separate fact from fiction.

5.) Supporting young people from immigrant families.

In addition to a catalog of resources and information, the Teaching Tolerance website includes a host of lesson plans for a range of ages on immigration, changing demographics, and social justice. Easily adapted for a Sunday School or youth group event or series.

Thinking About Race: 10 Ways Well-Meaning White Teachers Bring Racism Into Our Schools [and Churches!]

Originally written for classroom teachers, this important article addresses an issue that is just as important for youth workers, youth ministers, Christian educators, and others working with young people in church.

The author, Jamie Utt, says in his introduction, "most White teachers mean well and have no intention of being racist. Yet as people who are inscribed with Whiteness, it is possible for us to act in racist ways no matter our intentions. Uprooting racism from our daily actions takes a lifetime of work." The article goes on to identify common ways White adults working with young people of color can shut down communications with them and, as importantly, things that can be done to more fully embody the wide and inclusive love of Christ in our work with all young people.

This thought provoking article is a fertile source for personal reflection and prayer. It could also be used as the centerpiece of an important meeting topic among a team of youth workers, or between youth workers and young people or parish leadership and parents.

It's an important resource for all who interact with youth in places of learning. Read the whole article here.

Thinking About Youth on Vestry

Being a vestry member means leading in a community of faith. It means committing yourself to stewardship. It means speaking and acting from your own experience for the benefit of others.

The Office of Youth Ministry recently surveyed diocesan youthworkers about the experience of young people serving on local parish vestry boards. We heard stories about churches who make a concerted effort to identify, train, and mentor young leaders to be full vestry members—their actions are creating broad-reaching and powerful outcomes.

Giving young people an equal voice in church management is an empowering life-moment for a young person, and can be a transformative event for the congregation. The Vestry Resource Guide points out that “each generation sees the world differently because it was formed by different major world events and cultural changes.” Having that variety of perspectives at the table can help a church respond to changes in your wider community and around the world.

But what we learned from diocesan youthworkers that youth-on-vestry success begins with identifying strong candidates and giving them the ongoing support and mentorship. All of these ingredients are necessary in order for a young person (with no board experience) to contribute in this new environment.

Certainly, this process looks different in each church community. In any event, it might be in your vestry’s interest to start thinking about which high school students are attending worship regularly, who among them is involved in community events, and who has the availability to attend regular vestry meetings. Also think about who are the adults in the community who have a gift for coaching and mentorship.

The perspective of young people is important to the faith-life of any community. All people benefit when young people have a role in shaping our guiding principles.

What are your suggestions for how to involve young people with church vestries? Best practices for making youth participation a positive experience for the entire vestry membership?

Thinking About Programs

Are you thinking about adding new structure to your church youth program this fall? Whether you are creating something new, or fine-tuning well-established programming, here are some thoughts to help steer your planning, adapted from resources offered by Elizabeth Barker Ring, a consultant for formation and leadership in the Episcopal Diocese of Maine:

1.) Keep flexibility in mind. Your curriculum should serve as a helping-hand in the process of forming and asking open-ended, invitational questions. The process of making and asking of questions together helps young people build a community of trust with each other.

2.) Be mindful to places where you can center your programs in prayer. Think of prayer as an invitation to youth to lay what is on their hearts and minds on the table without needing to discuss it. The prayer can stem from a piece of scripture from the lectionary, or an invitation to some shared action in the community.

3.) Start with whatever is on the hearts and minds of the youth; this way they can respond to you confidently from the fullness of their faith.